The Dave Konig Blog

SEE DAVE KONIG LIVE!

2011-04-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

JUNE 2011

1 Wed - Tuesday's children Benefit, Caroline's NYC
2- 4 Thur - Sat Uncle Vinnie's Comedy Club, Pt Pleasant New Jersey

6 Mon - Headlining Cape May Stage, Cape May NJ

17 Fri - Dellwood Country Club, Rockland County NY

JULY 2011

8 Fri - The Triad, NYC

22 Fri - Mohegan Sun Casino, Conn.

27-30 Wed - Sat Uncle Vinnie's Comedy Club, Pt Pleasant NJ

SEP 2011

28 Wed - The Friars at The Core Club, NYC

OCT 2011

2 Sun Opening for The Drifters, Middle Township Perf Arts Ctr, NJ

5-8 Wed - Sat Uncle Vinnie's Comedy Club, Pt Pleasant NJ

26 Wed - The Friars at The Core Club, NYC

NOV 2011

10 thurs - 12 Sat Wiseguys Comedy Club, Syracuse

30 Wed - The Friars at The Core Club, NYC

TESTIMONIALS!

2009-02-07T09:14:00.000-08:00

RECENT DAVE KONIG TESTIMONIALS!

Here are some recent actual testimonials by actual audience members on actual cruise ships and comedy clubs who actually tracked me down on Facebook and are now stalking me (actually)!

THE AMAZING KRESKIN comes to see me headline at Broadway Comedy Club - and predicts great things (from his website)!

I just saw one of the most refreshing comedians that I’ve seen or heard in a long, long time. What makes Dave Konig extra special is not only his delivery on some really unique material, but that he has a persona that comes across to his audiences, a kind of warmth that you find in a person whose public company you enjoy, with a feeling that it would be great to have him around much of the time. I foresee his audience expanding in great quantities all over the world.

The Amazing Kreskin

FAN LETTER FOR MY APPEARANCES ON THE JOEY REYNOLDS SHOW
Roberta Rosenberg

The show is terrific when you're on, we wish you much mazel in your career - you should be on Joey's show EVERY NIGHT!

ANOTHER FAN LETTER FROM THE JOEY REYNOLDS SHOW

Ed Grant
You've kept the shtick flowing and somehow Joey lets you do your pieces w/o interrupting, so he does indeed respect you.

HEADLINING NORWEGIAN CRUISE LINES:

Shari Brown Ship:

My kids have been quoting you since hearing you perform on the cruise. We all thought you were hilarious. You have great timing, material, delivery and an endearing hysterically funny self-deprecating manner. You are hysterically funny.

HEADLINING IN THE CATSKILLS:

Joe Bachana

Dave Konig is the only comic to kill up at the Entertainium in the Emerald Green Community -- and thats saying a lot!!!!!

STAND UP NY -WITH LARRY STORCH & JAKE LAMOTTA!

Warren Handelman

You killed them last night up to the point where Jake LaMotta was about to kill you!

HEADLINING NORWEGIAN CRUISE LINES:

Debra Brooks

You were great on NCL! I enjoyed you very much. My husband also was raving about you for the rest of the cruise.

AFTER A SLOW NIGHT IN STATEN ISLAND!
Sal Montano

Hi Dave, that was a good show the other night even though you only had a small audience to work with. Very funny,I enjoyed it, laughed so hard

AFTER A BUSY NIGHT AT UNCLE VINNIE'S COMEDY CLUB!

UncleVinnies ComedyClub

Thank You Dave...Good job as always.....

REVIEW OF "PASTAMI ON RYE WITH MAYO" IN THE JEWISH TIMES

"Four talented comedians, Dave Konig, Ross Bennett, Tom Cotter, and Cory Kahaney put on a highly entertaining show. You laugh so hard, you miss some of the punchlines!"

The Jewish Times

To Book Dave Konig for your comedy club, casino, abbattoir, or quanset hut:

Dave Konig - konigdave@aol.com 917-825-5990

Myra Chanin Management - 212-706-9064

SHTICK-TO-IT-IVNESS!

2009-01-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

YOU WRITE THE JOKE – MULTIPLE CHOICE!

Write your own comedy routine! Each “set up” has three possible “punchlines” – but only one punch line is correct! Find the right punch line and write your own jokes!

1) My brother-in-law is so dumb, he –

(a)…has difficulty accomplishing even the simplest of tasks, such as basic arithmetic and remedial spelling.
(b)…he was eating pie, forgot where his mouth was, and accidentally stabbed himself in the side of his head with a fork.
(c)…thinks manual labor is a Mexican singer.

2) My hotel room is so small –

(a)…it is uncomfortable.
(b)…I got a discounted rate.
(c)…I have to sleep standing up.

3) I just got back from a pleasure trip –

(a)…I went to Florida.
(b)…I took my mother-in-law to Florida.
(c)…I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

(Answers: 1-c, 2-c, 3-c)

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NEW BUSINESS SPEAK

Tired of “going forward”? Looking for new business speak phrases you can use “at the end of the day”? Try these new business speak phrases, and see how they “impact” your life!

1) “Greasing hamsters” (replaces “going forward”)
Use in sentence: “Hey Bob, at the end of the day, how will that new financial plan impact us greasing hamsters?”

2) “In the back of the bus” (replaces “at the end of the day”)
Use in sentence: “Hey Bob, in the back of the bus, how will that new financial plan impact us greasing hamsters?”

3) “Ointment” (replaces “impact”)
Use in sentence: “Hey Bob, in the back of the bus, how will that new financial plan ointment us greasing hamsters?”

I HAD A DREAM

2009-01-19T08:31:00.000-08:00

I MARCHED WITH DR. KING

I marched with Martin Luther King. I was right behind him and I kept accidentally stepping on the heel of his shoe. Oh, he was nice about it - but by the end of the day, you could tell he was starting to get irritated with me.

I HAD A DREAM

Dr. Martin Luther King had a dream. It was his dream that someday all men would live together in peace and brotherly love. I too had a dream. I dreamt I was a registered nurse and I was giving a sponge bath to Salma Hayek.

SHTICK IT TO THE MAN!

2009-01-18T18:58:00.000-08:00

BAD INVENTIONS

Not everyone can be Thomas Edison. These inventions are not only impractical, they’re useless.

1) PANTS OINTMENT – Some kind of ointment you apply directly to your pants.

2) EDIBLE HAIRNETS – The head hygeine product you can eat.

3) 2-D GLASSES – Takes three dimensional images and transforms them into flat, two dimensional images, sucking all the depth right out of them.

4) COFFEE FLAVORED MEAT – For the guy or gal on the go. For meat lovers who love a good cup of joe, but just don’t have time to broil a steak and brew a pot of coffee.

5) THE NUMBER “BLINX” – A new number between “6” and “8” that replaces the increasingly unpopular number “7”. The symbol for “blinx” is kind of hard to describe, but it looks sort of like an ampersand with a slanty line in the middle of it.

6) LOOFAH ACCESSORIES – For people who really like to exfoliate, matching loofah clothes to go with your loofah gloves: loofah hats, loofah pants, loofah socks, loofah scarves…

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ADVICE FOR DADS: NEW BABY IN THE HOUSE?

Are you a new dad trying to get some sleep? Is your wife telling you it’s your turn to get out of bed and go to your crying baby? Try these sure-fire lines:

1) “Honey, that’s not the baby – it’s one of those new baby car alarms! It’s the car alarm that sounds like the ear piercing wail of a crying baby. See, the criminal tries to break into your car, he hears that, and he thinks: ‘I’m being attacked by a giant baby!’ Then, he runs away. Okay, I’m going back to sleep now.”

2) “That’s not the baby – it’s just an ice cream truck. Instead of playing a pleasant sing-songy jingle to entice children to buy ice cream, they’re experimenting with a recording of the ear piercing wail of a crying baby. It’s a new marketing technique. Okay, I’m going back to sleep now.”

3) “What baby? I don’t hear a baby? I have amnesia! Who are you? Who am I? How did you get into my bed? Okay, I’m going back to sleep now.”

Good luck!

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WHAT DO NUDISTS DREAM?

Do nudists have recurring dreams that they are at a party with all their clothes on and no one is staring at them?

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DEATH TO AMERICA DAY

For the past thirty years in Iran they have had a national “Death To America” Day. However, some of the older Iranian revolutionaries feel the original intent of the holiday has been lost, and it is now just an excuse to run Death To America Day sales at the department stores.

Links To All of Dave Konig's National Review Online Columns!

2004-09-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

DAVE KONIG ON JOE BIDEN
http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=ZmQ2NjA4NGNlYzY3MDMwNDE3MDk4ZThhMWQ5ZjcxODE=

DAVE KONIG ON THE NEW YORK GUARD http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=NWFiYzZlNGEwNDY1YmYwYWRiYTYzMmRkMDQ2ZmQxZTY=