In 1996 I got a deal to produce, write, and star in my own 5 minute weekly comedy segment on the USA cable network. In the big 90's many of the cable channels were floundering around trying to find an identity, so there were odd opportunities for all kinds of off-beat programming - like this!
In the mid 90's every afternoon, Monday - Friday, USA had a block of programming called
USA Live. It was a mish-mash of a talk show, hosted by Bertice Berry, broadcast live from a TV studio in the Hotel Pennsylvania directly across from Penn Station in Manhattan. The show was directed by veteran comedy director
Bob Lampel and was essentially a way to fill up air time in between cheap re-runs of
Love Connection and
People's Court. As you can imagine, it was all fine, quality broadcasting.
I was hired to come up with a weekly segment, and told I could do whatever I wanted as long as it was about 5 minutes long. Being a clever lad I immediately pitched
The Dave Konig Show, my own talk- show-within-the-show. It would be "The World's Shortest Talk Show" with a monolog, guests, desk, etc. I banged out about six of these - a Christmas special (an
It's a Wonderful Life parody with Abe Vigoda as my guardian angel), and episode where my new sidekick (
Brian Howe, who went on to a terrific TV and film career) quits in disgust, an episode where I get fired, etc.
In the first episode I needed a big, intimidating guy to play a studio security guard who threatens to throw me out of the studio. My manager at the time (Jamie Ducat - is that a great name for a manager or what?) had a roster of very talented young comics - me,
Kerri Louise,
Billy (now Bill) Burr. When I said I need a BIG, intimidating guy for this bit he said, "I got just the guy! He's a young comic out of Boston, I'll have him take a bus!"
Patrice O'Neal was cranky when he got to the set. In retrospect, it was probably because he was a big guy and he had just spent three hours crammed into a Greyhound bus with no leg room. I explained the bit to him and he wasn't thrilled that it was essentially a walk-on sight gag with no lines. There's probably 1000 big guys in New York who would have been content to pick up a day's pay playing a security guard in a comedy sketch, but Patrice was conflicted. Here he was, a guy who was already getting great respect for his comic mind and edgy act, and he felt a little humiliated to be doing this dopey sketch. But hey, I didn't know him at all, I just asked for a big guy to play a security guard...
At one point on the set, before we performed the bit, I could tell he was unhappy. I went up to him and said, "Everything okay?". He responded, "Yeah. It's all good." It was 1996 and I am a white Jew. This was - I remember distinctly - the first time I had EVER heard the phrase "It's all good." I thought, "What's all good? What is this man saying to me? I do not understand." But I didn't say anything. I just nodded and we looked at each other awkwardly.
Then we shot the sketch (one take - live TV!), and I thought it came out great! Patrice was perfect. I'm pretty sure it was his TV debut. So, just like Steve Allen was the first TV host to present Elvis...
We didn't travel in the same circles, and I only ran into him a couple of times over the years. He remembered the gig, and was polite to me. A very, very funny comedian with a great mind who passed away way too young.
When he passed away, I dug out this clip and posted it on
You Tube. Some of Patrice's loyal fans HATED the sketch and let me know it!
Ah, show business! Yes CoolerKing37, you are right, he
was! And I'm sure that even now, somewhere in comedy heaven, Patrice is sitting in some Afterlife Internet Cafe reading this and rolling his eyes and shaking his head in disgust..
Enjoy!
Dave Konig
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| The Dave Konig Show (USA 1995 - 96) publicity shot. |
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| Ad in Variety, 1995. |
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| Patrice O'Neal. Yeah, that's pretty much the look he gave me the whole day! |
