Why the hell didn't I get this job #4? Dave Konig's sketch comedy show audition.

I had to put myself on tape to audition for a TV sketch comedy show. I was asked to demonstrate my versatility with characters and celebrity impressions. As I am a regular Fred Travelena I was up to the challenge! Despite my brilliance, I didn't get the job...

Why the hell didn't I get this job? #3 Dave Konig's Paranormal show audition.

I had to put myself on tape to audition to host a paranormal / ghost hunting cable TV show. I was given a few questions to answer - do you believe in ghosts? Have you ever seen a ghost? Etc. Here's my audition. Surprisingly, I did not get the job.

Why the hell didn't I get this job? #2 (Dave Konig's Travel Channel audition.)

I was asked to put myself on tape to audition for the host of 'All American Eats' on the Travel Channel. They sent me a list of questions and asked me to answer them on camera. I am ably assisted by one of the many Spawn of Konig, my film-making son Nick. Can you spot the subtle cue I give him to ask the next question?

Shockingly, I didn't get the job!

Why The Hell Didn't I Get This Job? #1 (Dave Konig's Food Channel Audition)

From time to time I will get asked to put myself on tape to audition for a TV show. This gives the performer free reign to create an audition that best showcases their talents. In my case, a risky proposition...Here's my audition to host a show on the Food Channel. Cinematography by Nick Konig, special appearance by Matthew Konig. (I didn't get the job...)

Worst Hell Gig Ever! by Dave Konig

Every comedian has a trove of "Hell Gig" stories - tales from the road of shows that went disastrously kaflooey (kaflooey adj: See ferklempt, fershimmeled). Here's one of my favorites, absolutely 100% guaranteed true (emmis)!

It's a gig I did a few years back in scenic Secaucus, New Jersey - told in two mediums. First, in audio format, then as a "graphic novel"! 

First we hear the story on my pal comedian Tom Shillue's great podcast Funny Story:

click here:

Funny Story with Tom Shillue: 

Dave Konig's "Let's Just Give It A Little More Time"

Now, the same delightful tale given the full comic book treatment - story by Dynamic Dave Konig! Pencils by Dandy Dave Konig! Inks by Dastardly Dave Konig! Lettering by Dubious Dave Konig! Excelsior!

The Amazing Kreskin Terrifies Dave Konig! (All Night with Joey Reynolds, NBC NY Nonstop 2011) by Dave Konig

For a few brief, shining months in 2011, the great radio broadcaster Joey Reynolds had his own late-night TV talk show All Night with Joey Reynolds from Midnight - 2 AM, Mon - Fri, on the New York cable channel NBC NY Nonstop. Joey, God bless him, had me on once a week (out of a total of 55 episodes I did 11) and gave me free reign to do whatever I wanted. For this reason alone, Joey Reynolds is the most brilliant man in show business!

The show was taped (almost) live from the NASDAQ studio on West 43rd street and Broadway in Times Square. Joey's guests were an eclectic mix of comics, cabaret singers, writers, pool sharks, con artists and various other oddities booked by Joey's long-time radio co-hort Myra Chanin.

Here I'm on with great comics Michele Balan and Max Alexander.  Max is the only comic ever to do The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, AND The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien! We're joined by another great Tonight Show alum, The Amazing Kreskin.

The Amazing Kreskin (or, as his close, show business friends like me call him, 'The Amazing') was in a cranky mood. Joey committed the unpardonable sin of calling his illusions "tricks" and The Amazing let him have it! Because of this confrontation, there wasn't enough time for The Amazing to perform the tr-...the illusion he wanted to, so he enlisted me to assist him in a different illusion, which we just barely got through. It was a tense set, presented here for the very first time since the last time I uploaded it!

Shocking inside show business scoop: Aside from being a terrific entertainer, The Amazing is one of the nicest guys in show business and has been kind enough to not only come see both my stand-up act and my most recent Off Broadway solo show, Addicted to Show Business, but he's written and posted reviews of my shows for all his fans, which makes him an Amazing Mensch!

The Amazing review of Dave Konig's stand up act on www.amazingkreskin.com

The Amazing review of Dave Konig's Addicted to Show Business on www.amazingkreskin.com

Dave Konig reads The Amazing Kreskin's mind.

The Amazing Kreskin reads Dave Konig's mind, finds nothing.

Photo by Steve Garrin

When Comedy Giants Collide! The Dave Konig Show (USA, 1996) - Patrice O'Neal's TV debut. by Dave Konig

In 1996 I got a deal to produce, write, and star in my own 5 minute weekly comedy segment on the USA cable network. In the big 90's many of the cable channels were floundering around trying to find an identity, so there were odd opportunities for all kinds of off-beat programming - like this!

In the mid 90's every afternoon, Monday - Friday, USA had a block of programming called USA Live. It was a mish-mash of a talk show, hosted by Bertice Berry, broadcast live from a TV studio in the Hotel Pennsylvania directly across from Penn Station in Manhattan. The show was directed by veteran comedy director Bob Lampel and was essentially a way to fill up air time in between cheap re-runs of Love Connection and People's Court. As you can imagine, it was all fine, quality broadcasting.

I was hired to come up with a weekly segment, and told I could do whatever I wanted as long as it was about 5 minutes long. Being a clever lad I immediately pitched The Dave Konig Show, my own talk- show-within-the-show. It would be "The World's Shortest Talk Show" with a monolog, guests, desk, etc. I banged out about six of these - a Christmas special (an It's a Wonderful Life parody with Abe Vigoda as my guardian angel), and episode where my new sidekick (Brian Howe, who went on to a terrific TV and film career) quits in disgust, an episode where I get fired, etc.

In the first episode I needed a big, intimidating guy to play a studio security guard who threatens to throw me out of the studio. My manager at the time (Jamie Ducat - is that a great name for a manager or what?) had a roster of very talented young comics - me, Kerri Louise, Billy (now Bill) Burr. When I said I need a BIG, intimidating guy for this bit he said, "I got just the guy! He's a young comic out of Boston, I'll have him take a bus!"

Patrice O'Neal was cranky when he got to the set. In retrospect, it was probably because he was a big guy and he had just spent three hours crammed into a Greyhound bus with no leg room. I explained the bit to him and he wasn't thrilled that it was essentially a walk-on sight gag with no lines. There's probably 1000 big guys in New York who would have been content to pick up a day's pay playing a security guard in a comedy sketch, but Patrice was conflicted. Here he was, a guy who was already getting great respect for his comic mind and edgy act, and he felt a little humiliated to be doing this dopey sketch. But hey, I didn't know him at all, I just asked for a big guy to play a security guard...

At one point on the set, before we performed the bit, I could tell he was unhappy. I went up to him and said, "Everything okay?". He responded, "Yeah. It's all good." It was 1996 and I am a white Jew. This was - I remember distinctly - the first time I had EVER heard the phrase "It's all good." I thought, "What's all good? What is this man saying to me? I do not understand." But I didn't say anything. I just nodded and we looked at each other awkwardly.

Then we shot the sketch (one take - live TV!), and I thought it came out great! Patrice was perfect. I'm pretty sure it was his TV debut. So, just like Steve Allen was the first TV host to present Elvis...

We didn't travel in the same circles, and I only ran into him a couple of times over the years. He remembered the gig, and was polite to me. A very, very funny comedian with a great mind who passed away way too young.

When he passed away, I dug out this clip and posted it on You Tube. Some of Patrice's loyal fans HATED the sketch and let me know it!

Ah, show business! Yes CoolerKing37, you are right, he was! And I'm sure that even now, somewhere in comedy heaven, Patrice is sitting in some Afterlife Internet Cafe reading this and rolling his eyes and shaking his head in disgust..

Enjoy!
Dave Konig

The Dave Konig Show (USA 1995 - 96) publicity shot.

Ad in Variety, 1995.

Patrice O'Neal. Yeah, that's pretty much the look he gave me the whole day!